I am a murderer

So on my way to my father-in-law's house, driving in the pitch dark, i hit a deer.

Seriously. I hit one.

It came up on our side and smacked us. Our right hand side is completely dented. My wife's side. She could have gotten seriously hurt or even killed. I couldn't even stop. I was so freaked out. I yelled, pouted and saw lots of deer fur all over my passenger side. I don't know how to feel. I mean, we're alive but we killed Bambi...Bambi. Wow...how does that even really happen?? I hate driving at night in the bush...it sucks. I need a plane or something or better headlights...I can afford the headlights.

God, thanks for keeping my wife and I safe. We are grateful. Truly grateful. And we'll pay even MORE attention to the roads we're on...

Wednesday Night

The more focused I am on moving forward in my faith, the more I notice how much work needs to be done. My attitude sucks. I say really mean things...not swears but you'd think I was. Life with Christ is uncomfortable...yet, it's all I want...crazy, eh?

Last night, we had our annual Christmas Party. We as a staff rarely hang out together, but when we do, it's always a good time, filled with laughs, inside jokes and broken dreams due to a mean gift giving/taking game:) I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by such a diverse staff. At times, it can be taxing but nights like that put it all into focus: We all need one another and truly want to 'hang out'. We just don't have that kind of time...

Help me Lord to work on my 'issues' and befriend those I work with. Thanks that ministry isn't competition but community. Thanks that I get to be a part of that community...that's awesome. Grant me your heart to never lose sight of that, irregardless of anything. Help me to fight for your community as we work to do what we hope is your will (I mean we know what you want, but sometimes we get your heart and our hearts mixed up). Time for bed...at 10:19 PM

Growing better, I suppose

So I just finished reading three books in 2 weeks.

I'm a nerd.

I know.

But I'm glad I have. The books have really stretched my thinking and my growth spiritually-wise. For the past while, I've focused solely on being a better leader, administrator. I haven't worked hard on being a better shepherd, christian, husband and friend. When God pushes truth in front of you, you have a couple of options:

1) Ignore his voice or feel like you're talking to yourself

2) Sit around and do nothing. Acknowledge that you have things to work on and that's it

3) Begin to purge out what's holding you and keeping you far from 100%

Number 1 and 2 are basically the same thing...I've heard him but done nothing for a while...blaming others for my lack of growth while sitting on my skinny butt. But his voice has become deafening...he's when it happened.

Last week Saturday, during our work day, my students asked me if they could bring certain types of music to our youth retreat. After I kinda said no, a phone rang which played a popular radio song, describing sex and they all sang it, in a...um...dirty manner, I guess:) And they didn't care that I was there and I realized something:

I AM NOT THE PROPER EXAMPLE I SHOULD BE. I DO NOT LIVE IN A REALM OF HOLINESS THAT CHANGES PEOPLE. I'M WAY OFF AND I NEED TO GO DEEPER.

So, the purging of my Ipod began which has been hard...slowly my movies will follow suit...words...tv...

I'm reading and praying more, seeking him...preparing for a big fast...i mean HUGE! I'm excited. I feel like a little kid! I'm reading 1 Corinthians...loving it. I learned something about myself based on 1 Corinthians 3:2...what I have thought was big tings has only been baby milk...God is still wanting to prepare me for the solid food. he just wants to take the world out of me...so do it, Lord. It is going to hurt. It is going to suck. I'm going to have to work on so much but I need this.

Growing better, I suppose...